"I'm not feeling it" and Other Asshole-isms

Okay, this is going to get vicious. Way vicious. We're talking, "holy shit- hit the decks" vicious. Right now, I'm going to rip this man a huge new asshole- bigger than the one he's turned into.

I've been bottling this up for at least a month, the pressure's been building, especially after new revelations, and the cork's ready to pop.

First of all, I'm going to attack about Unforgiven. You know- the match where Brock Lesnar was built up to be a legend-killer. And he's had credentials: Rock, Hogan, and Flair put him over -- cleanly. Yep, that rare thing in wrestling - a clean win. So to continue on with our story, Brock's charging in and one more legend is standing in his way: UnderBikerTruckerRedneckTaker. Hell, the Undertaker has long been killed off since Calaway decided to bury it a couple years ago but Brock was on his way to do cleanup. And what do we get? A double DQ. And why do we get it? Because someone (I'm looking in your direction, Calaway) said, "I'm not feeling it" to the original plan -- he jobs to Lesnar in a screwy finish and still gets to mess him up at the end, as planned. Still gives the bastard some of his heat and he doesn't look weak against Lesnar.

I admit I think Brock's too green to hold a major title but he's the champ, nonetheless. And in a company that's in the bust period, they need new faces to bring people in. With that being said, it's obvious they feel Brock has what it takes and as a fuckin' veteran, it is Calaway's position to be helping put the new guy over. I don't think Calaway should have to job to everyone on the roster but when there's a guy who needs that all-important rub to catapult himself into the next level, he should step in and do it. But instead he is a selfish, greedy prick who withholds that from Lesnar, plus has the finish changed to suit his tastes and make him look good at the end (being the aggressor). Hell, even from all reports, he was more on the offense side than the defense side during a match, making Lesnar look weak. I'll say it again -- what a prick.

And then we have this next upcoming shit with him "cheating" on Sara, something we know isn't real life since she keeps his balls in her underwear drawer. I'll watch, just so I can point and laugh when this "Tracy" ends up looking better than Sara and say, "Shit, Calaway- you traded in a Caddy for a Pinto." Anyway, this shit does something else I'm really pissed about -- keeps Sara out there, even if in name only. Like anyone cares about your wife, Calaway; if they did, she would have that fat WWF contract both of you wanted for her. So just in case either one is reading, I'll say what everyone is thinking and what has obviously not registered:

NEWS FLASH -- NO ONE CARES. PEOPLE (OUTSIDE OF A FEW WOMEN WHO DROOL OVER HER) THINK SHE'S HARD ON THE EYES AND ABSOLUTELY DEVOID OF TALENT. IMPLANTS ARE A DIME A DOZEN IN WRESTLING AND HAVING FAKE BOOBS ISN'T GOING TO GUARANTEE SOMEONE A SPOT -- HAVING A HUSBAND WITH STROKE WILL, THOUGH. SHE BOMBED, STOP THE PAIN, GO HOME TO THE COMPOUND.

Okay, back to the show. She showed up preggers to be harassed (I called that one, baby) and no one gave a damn or bought the "Serene Sara" thing. And since that tanked, they had to try something else to make sure people won't forget that name or that horrendous face associated with it. So this will end up a big ol' sack of shit and a complete waste of time, thanks in part to that dynamic duo and political stroke.

So far, the case has been laid that he's become an asshole and along with running buddy HHH, turning the backstage into something eerily similar to WCW's in its death throes. And then guess what the shithead (and HHH, too) then does- he decides to have backstage talks with the boys about how hard they should work, how they should be team players, etc. All of this from a man who, while he still preaches it, definitely doesn't practice it anymore. My God - yep, having your wife go over DDP, even if Taker did the work, that was putting a guy over. Changing the end of the match with an up-and-comer to make you look good - priceless. Holding guys back due to your own insecurities - just wonderful. Obviously the "Locker Room Leader" position he once had and earned is now based on tenure only, not on principles. And I pity the guys who had to sit there and watch this hypocrite babble on, all the while knowing he's so full of bullshit it's coming out of his big elfin ears. What a hellish thing to experience and then not being able to say anything in fear of repercussions.

Not only is he losing favor from the guys he works with (outside of the higher-ups, who don't need to worry about him), but the 'net fans are really on his ass, too, especially after Unforgiven and the screwy ending he's unforgiven for demanding and getting. The fur is flying and some long-hidden tidbits are coming out, such as the stirrings that he contacted WCW when the guys were jumping ship in the mid-90's. With something such as that being hidden for so long, you must really be pissing off people for them to bring that to light. This is especially one of those things that make you go, "hmm," especially when he said he would never want to work for them again. And supposedly Bischoff said he wouldn't know what to do with Mark Calaway without the Undertaker. Obviously he knew his shit because we all know how well the "American Badass" has gone over. Things worked for Nash, Hall, Hogan, and Savage because they could still take the personalities with them, even if some didn't have the names. But it would be hard for Calaway because he was the Undertaker and if he acted like the Undertaker, even without the name, the WWF could have ridden WCW's ass over it because it was their character and its trademarks.

I honestly think Calaway's gone off the deep end and turned into one insecure man. How else can you explain this bullshit behavior? Honestly, it doesn't seem like the same person who worked at the WWF all those years ago and was known as the ultimate professional, who put his company first and himself second. It's a shame he won't control his ego and power and that Vince lets him do it because he's a veteran and has stuck with the company. The company's also suffering from this selfishness coming from his way and from HHH's way. Between HHH cleaning the glass ceiling while a 37-year-old Calaway bitches like a child about not wanting to play by the WWF's rules, no wonder morale has gone to shit.

And along the way, his long-time fans are slowly sloughing off and he'll be damn lucky to have a solid fanbase by the time he quits. While he's got this "It's all about me" attitude now, he's got it all wrong. It's about the fans because, as some wrestlers still recognize, they're your bread and butter. They buy your merchandise, buy tickets to show, pay an inflated fee for PPVs, and put food on your table. However, even if the first wife hosed him for a good bit, he's still got money to play with. And since the bank account is nicely padded, it's fine to flip us the bird and turn your back on us, right?

 

 

 

Written: 10-10-02